School Persecutes Innocent Christians

After weeks of meeting behind closed doors to come up with a suitable scheme, debauched officials of the Desert Sands Unified School District viciously attacked the treasured freedom of speech of good Christians everywhere, when they chose to deliberately assault the Constitution-loving sensibilities of two perfectly innocent believers by denying them their right to place good American Bible verses in Desert Sands schools.

The utterly offended individuals, who had no idea that Bible verses and overt Christian messages aimed at the district’s school children might be frowned upon by non-Christians — such as heavy-browed Muslims, computer tech support immigrants with thick accents and saffron-discolored teeth, not to mention condom-wearing atheists — expressed their displeasure, rightfully, by suing the school district.

Ostensibly conceived as a fundraiser featuring memorial bricks intended to be placed at new buildings on Palm Desert High School’s campus, the mis-conceived effort was without doubt an attempt to deny full American rights to two good Christian women, the delicate flowers known in court filings as Lou Ann Hart and Sheryl Caronna.

“Christians should be allowed to express themselves on public school campuses just like everyone else,” said David Cortman, a lawyer for the Alliance Defense Fund, the conservative Christian organization which initiated the lawsuit for Hart and Caronna.

Cortman rightly noted “It is cowardly to shut down everyone’s participation in this program simply out of animosity toward Christian speech. There is absolutely nothing unconstitutional about a Bible verse on a brick when a school opens up a program for anyone to express a personal message. The school could simply have allowed the Bible verses, but instead, it chose to punish everyone.”

As the school had already accepted a brick inscribed with a quote by Mahatma Gandhi, a brown-skinned non-Christian known to be from India, there can be absolutely no doubt about the true purpose behind the whole scheme.

Though the school district was forced to cancel the entire fundraising effort, to return the $45,000 raised so far to every community group or individual who purchased a memorial brick, and to pay court costs out of sharply-limited school district funds for the tragically oppressed and completely shocked ladies, Christians everywhere, who have long been bent under the yoke of oppression by the roughly 15 percent of Americans who have a variety of misguided, AIDS-spreading non-Christian beliefs, celebrated.

Officials of Palm Desert High School, which is about 10 miles east of Palm Springs, California, declined to comment on the story, citing pending legal action and an untapped kegger in the board’s secret meeting room and lube-splashed hot tub grotto.

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God, I Love A Happy Ending

Thank you, Jack Chick, for all the years of wonderful lunacy. And thank you for letting Tommy live.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Make a Difference in the Bible

Here’s a Craigslist ad from today, and it sounds awfully tempting.

Get paid to CORRECT the Bible? Oh man, I’m there!

But … there isn’t that much red ink.

…………………………..

Wordsmiths Needed for Freelance (Urbana, IL)


Date: 2011-06-03, 11:13AM EDT
Reply to: job-9ebhv-2418645450@craigslist.org


Individuals with strong language skills needed for Bible proofreading. Detailed checklists provided for each stage. Please respond by June24th.
This is a freelance position. 

  • Location: Urbana, IL
  • Compensation: $1.00-$2.00 per page
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2418645450

…………………………….

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Whew! Busy Weekend.

First, Friday is the second annual Draw Mohammed Day.

Second, the Rapture and the End of the World — or something — happens Saturday.

Man, I’m glad I’m getting the laundry done tonight. I want to look good when all those Christians start floating into the sky. You know, so the last human they see will be clean and well-dressed.

And Sunday … I’m thinking the rest of us should go into Christian churches and start moving out all the pews and stuff, so we can turn them into community centers, schools, libraries, homeless shelters, neighborhood theaters, things like that.

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You can choose to not believe in the Easter Bunny …

But you’ll have to deal with this guy

Thanks to the Bunny Yawns website.

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Easter Wishes

Good Friday should be a day on which unbelievers everywhere celebrate the death of gods.

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